Talent, Poetry & What did the Violinist mean? #2

Okay, to be so for real, I don't really know what to talk about BUT I'm going to try stumble through some scattered thoughts that have been trickling down into my consciousness this week - whether it makes any sense is up to you. 

Okay, storytime - last week I saw a gig - quite a good gig with a pianist, a cellist and a violinist (all the musical ists) and they were phenomenal. It was right up my street. However, the gig started with the violinist saying he was scared of three things - sharks, the tax man (haha) and get this - playing the violin in public... 

Sorry, what? 

I stopped suddenly - or I would've if I hadn't been sitting down.

Playing the violin in public? Alarms bells started going off in my head. Huh? What? How? who where and why is this man playing a gig with a violin in public if he's scared to do it? I just couldn't rack my brain around it, he might just be the bravest or stupidest man I had ever seen. I was about to see somebody stumble and fall and I didn't know if I could handle that. I mean, not to brag or anything but coming from somebody who can fumble their way through 'Mary Had A Little Lamb' on the violin,  I was sympathising hard with my fellow musicians. 

And for the remainder of the set, the man proceeds to play the violin for the entireity of it, the entire thing, doesn't put it down, he is loving it and I'm thinking...have I just watched someone get over their stage fright? If there's anything I understand, it's anxiety and I'm imagining his wee fingers shaking and his throat starting to go dry as he's playing and starts to whap out the most insane RUSSIAN CONCERTO?!

Somethings not right.

It's at this point I'm starting to think...have I been lied to? because I'm getting the feeling that this man is not scared of the violin. In fact, I'd go as far as to say he looks pretty confident. 

Anyway - some very impressive playing later and the set is finished and there is so many questions floating around in my mind, was he really nervous? Or was it just something he said incase he messed up? What could he have meant when he was clearly an exceptional player? These thoughts plagued me and I searched for anyone who might know the answer to this all consuming question. 

So I get ready, laugh pre-rehearsed and questions armed and ready to go, prepped to go in and say ''Get a load of this guy! What was that about saying he was nervous? Was anyone else wondering the same thing the entire time? '' 

To which the response was...''Yeah! He said it then winked to the audience!'' 

...

He winked. 

It was...

a joke. 

The man was never scared.

He was...joking.

I was confused, affronted, embarrased and most importantly - gobsmacked at my lack of realisation. 

It was in that moment that I decided to never take anyone at their word ever again. 

I had believed that man, I sympathised with that man and I had been commending him for his bravery. 

Perhaps it was all my fault, how could I have missed the wink? The wink! The one social cue that told everyone else but me ''I'm just joking! You know, because saying I'm scared to play the violin in public even though I'm extremely talented and playing a whole set with it is actually quite funny because it's, you know, so obviously NOT TRUE!''

Anyway, I left that day questioning a lot of things - myself, mostly. 

Moral of the story - don't believe everything you hear. It could just be a joke. 

(And for anyone who may make the same mistake I did. This is a joke, a writing exercise on how to dramatise menial things...)

So after this fiasco, it got me thinking about talent and how we percieve it. I found myself in the gig constantly praising the muscians for being 'talented' and how we just automatically give someone that label;

''Oh, he's just really talented on the guitar''

''She's a really talented chef''

''They are just so naturally talented at *insert knee slapping funny action here*''

It's almost shrugged off, like 'talent' is just an easy thing to be at something. It got me thinking about one of my favourite quotes - 

''Talent is a pursued interest''

(which I found out was coined by Bob Ross, legend)

And yes, yes I'm sure prodigies and people who are just out of the womb and already hitting that Mozart renditions on piano exist and have some fated talent that just takes over but I'm not talking about them - they are the exception and are not useful to my ted talk. 

However it's so true that talent is a pursued interest, it is so incredibly difficult to get good at something and it takes so much struggle and hard work. It brings a lot of comfort to me that talent is something you can develop if you are willing to go through the hard parts (you know the saying, if it was easy, everyone would do it!) so next time you're feeling very 'untalented' just remember, it's a pursued interest! Anyone who you think is really talented, probably sucked in the beginning but they were also brave enough to embrace the bad and eventually got good, it's about resilience, determination and passion! 

Speaking of talent, I have been utterly obsessed with Noah Kahan's new album 'The Great Divide' and Olivia Rodrigo's 'The Cure' 

Now, as a person I don't really have favourite artists or albums - I tend to have random songs by random people that I get attached to and play over and over again. Although I do have specific people that I'll check out if I know they have released something (speaking of, you should check out Robbie Hail on Spotify - the exception to not having a favourite artist of course!) 

With Noah's album - I haven't listened to the full thing, I have my couple of favourites that I listen to just because they are just so stunning but I will definitely try to go through them all! I'm just such a comfort person, if I have my favourite songs I really don't stray far, I will just repeat them until I find something new to be obsessed with! My most listened to songs are; 

'Dashboard'

'Willing and able' - This chokes me up every time.

'Orbiter' 

I think he writes family dynamics so beautifully and captures the complexities of it so well! The lyricism and the way he uses language to build up the emotion hits me in every nerve ending I have. I think a lot of people will be relating to his music and hopefully working through some things, which is definitely something Noah excels at - making people feel heard and seen. I mean that is why real HUMAN MADE music is so exquisite, it gives words and feelings to things that people might not be able to articulate themselves. The line that really does it for me exists in 'Willing and Able' and it goes like 'I wish you could know me, and I wish I could know you much more sometimes' AHHH. This actually has me crying in the clerb. Knowing that this song is rumoured to represent the strained relationship between siblings just makes the lyrics mean so much more for myself, especially because I come from a big family with similar dynamics.

There is something so honest about that line, about siblings. Isn't strange to have literally grown up alongside someone and yet, you feel like you don't know them? There is so much depth and complex layers as to why that may be and I ain't about to have a therapy session on here but how amazing that music can bring up all of these questions you maybe hadn't thought of before or hadn't been able to put into words. Now that's what I call, talent. (X factor buzzer goes off...wait is it X factor? or is it Britiain's got talent? I don't know, it's one of them) 

Now 'The Cure' by Olivia Rodrigo gives similar vibes. I am sure that I have played it more times than any other song this year and it'll definitely be on my Spotify Wrapped. 

It explores the deeply confusing and heartbreaking reality of relationships, that it doesn't matter how much someone else loves you, it'll never fix the issues you have with yourself. This taps into so many different aspects of relationships, realising how intricate and devastating it is to let go of someone, not because of any lack of love but simply because someone else cannot completely fill your cup or make up for the love you lack within yourself - this kind of breakup I imagine is one of the hardest decisions to make and I think Olivia captures the essence of this beautifully. You really do have to love yourself first. 

To wrap it up, on the topic of lyricism and writing I wanted to mention how I recently started to write little poems. Now - I'm not claiming to be a poet but there is something that I am finding cathartic within writing poems. I think short form gives you a space to play without it being a pressure to write a long piece with characters and plot. I am still able to explore the feeling and themes without it needing to0 much prep time - which leads to a huge source of procrastination if it feels like a chore. It almost feels like creating a time capsule of a specific feeling, bottling and condensing the emotion into a short space of time. I enjoy how viscieral and intense reading a poem can be when you just know exactly what the poem is trying to say or you are taken back to a memory that has been triggered by reading it. I love how it can feel like a gut punch in a span of a couple of words. 

As someone who struggles with physically talking to people, I think I get a lot out of writing and being able to express myself in a way that allows me time to think about what I want to say, finding that my brain goes blank and it can be hard to formulate my thoughts in the moment, especially if I'm trying to tell a story or explain myself. It's rewarding to feel like you've captured the feeling you want to and it can be a tool to work through complex or difficult emotions and experiences, just like music. 

(see what I did there? I tried to wrap it up so there's somewhat of a through line, yeah, I'm a writer ;) ) - can you do this in writing? If I do a smiley face but then want to close the bracket? Or does the end of the face make use to close the bracket too? Do they explain that in English class? Hmm...might need to look that up. 

Anyway - I hope that makes sense and if it didn't...well, I don't know. That sucks I guess. 

You can read my short stories and poetry here

Jorgie x